Monday, August 3, 2009

OKAY, ALREADY. I'M PHOBIC....



Anybody that knows me well knows that I HATE snakes. Not really afraid of them. Just HATE them. Satan in disguise on earth.
So last week my son sent over some snaps. He's been on vacation in Texas. He was riding his bike and ran across a friend. He assured everyone that it was dead and he only took the photos to prove that it had really happened. Right, I thought. Then I realized that it hadn't moved and that it was next to a bicycle wheel and wasn't coiled. Okay. I give Michael that one. He even counted the rattles: 8, for the record.
Twelve years ago we moved into my dream house. It is perfect-almost. It's very European, which I like. Has a living room and a den. On almost an acre. Wonderful kitchen. Fireplace in my den. And one in my bathroom. Lots of granite. Creative wallpaper in the breakfast room. Stars were shining so brightly in my eyes that I failed to notice the woods and the creek at the back of our lot. Yep. Lots of visitors. Starting the first week we were here. I didn't realize a cottonmouth could jump so high-straight up.
It's been a reality of life. From the copperhead in my courtyard (when I first saw it I thought it was doggie poop). To the friend that greeted me two Easters ago when I pulled in the parking bay in front of my house. David wouldn't kill it: it was a "good" snake. Excuse me, but there is no such thing. Closest to it is a dead snake. Neither are there small snakes. Even the one I whacked with a butcher knife in my driveway wasn't "little". I thought it was a night crawler. It wasn't.
Then there was the one that came down my driveway a couple of days after Gustav. My front windows have no screens ( looks better, of course). I asked David not to put the windows up-no electricity, bloody hot. He did. Luckily he and Michael were on the porch when the creature came calling. I wasn't at home. A neighbor spilled the beans a couple of days later. Some of the sweetest words in the English language are " I told you so".
I don't know the last time I've been in my back yard. Not even on the gazebo, which is built on to the back of the house. And I paid $1,000. for an English pathway. It needs to be cleaned and some liriope planted. Not me! I would love to do some yard work. Not me! A couple of years ago we both saw a HUGE cottonmouth make a getaway to beneath the gazebo. And then there was the one that fell out of the flower pot on the gazebo. No way in living hell will I go out into the yard.
Okay, I have a problem. How in the world I managed to have two sons who think they're neat.
At least the "good" ones. What is the purpose of those nasty things-other than to make my life miserable? And don't give me the old story about killing bugs and other snakes.
I absolutely HATE the things. What God was thinking is beyond me. Then again, a lot of things are!


8 comments:

Old Yankee Stitcher said...

Yep, sounds like a phobia. CJ ok;-)

Jan said...

Gosh, I can't say as I blame you! I am so glad to hear your love your home though. Maybe when you venture outside, you make sure you aren't alone, or arm yourself with something!

FancyHorse said...

I'm sorry you can't enjoy your yard. Tommy's seen some snakes in our yard, but I haven't. Some of them kill rats, you know. :-)

Donna said...

You and I are sisters. I understand completely. Not a phobia. A reality. They are Satan.
My favorite bird is a roadrunner. Why? Because their favorite food is snake. They snatch up rattlers and beat them into the ground until they are DEAD!
Check out my blog for some good news!

ladyhawthorne said...

Maybe you need some outdoor cats as they tend to help get rid of snakes. Great stories but I'm with you, I'm not fond of them either.

Carolyn NC said...

You are too funny (sounds like how my mom feels, too). I'm not exactly fond of the critters myself. DH was in our friend's pool last week in FL when he saw something in there with him! Yep - baby cottonmouth, we think! Amazing how fast you can get out of the water, isn't it???

Julie said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW sorry Marian but i wont be visiting your place, i hate them too.

We dont see them that often here, although there was a baby adder basking in the trolley park of the supermarket when we had the heatwave so i was told, i dont go to the supermarket now!!!!!

Siobhan said...

The only snakes that I like are the snakes on my A&E samplers!! LOL I'm glad St. Patrick rid Ireland of the slithery buggers. :P My mother was babysitting my nieces at my brother's house in Virginia and saw a snake slither up the stairs. She thought it was a belt lying on the floor at first, till it moved. She got the kids out of their beds and my brother came home early from work and found the snake lying in the linen closet. I always check the rooms in his house now when I visit!! LOL